May all people be well (సర్వే జనః సుఖినో భవంతు)

24th June is my father's birthday. Recently there was something called father's day. Many of us remember and thank our parents on these days. I don't want to sound cynical, but I feel there is no day when we can forget the parents. And every moment we need to thank them. This soul and body were given by them, nurtured and molded by them. There is nothing which I can claim as mine and perhaps I don't exist without them and what is believed as "I" is also a form of my parents. 

My personality is 80% determined from the moment I was in the womb of my mother. There is little that can be changed significantly. The 20% that I can change is also dependent on the characteristics I acquired at the time of birth and based on that I can absorb what suits to me to change a little.  For example, what attracts me on the road while walking with my friends may not be the same as what each of my friends like. 

People talk about dynasty and ancestral property.They mean houses, lands and assets inherited from the family. But I got the kind of assets that are immortal. My father's wisdom and my mother's unconditional love  & affection extended to anyone and everyone;  are the assets I have today. From the point my father left me physically, I was experiencing him more. He was literally with me watching me, helping me, motivating me. In fact our interactions were quite minimum when he was with me. But all his good contributions to people with no expectations  were always behind me and shielded me. I got my first job, got the Support to execute Surety of 20000 Rs/- in 1989,  got Support when I was alone, always supported when I needed a break and what not. They were all very well addressed in timely manner,  when I came across some people who are also good and remembered the good deeds of my father. They never felt like repaying me, because they still had the gratitude towards my father. If I really look my life  so far,  I am not sure if I have earned even one such well-wisher.

Today I wanted to share a few things that I learnt from my father. My father wrote a story "జీవితం రెండర్థాల పాట" (The life is full of dual)  and he explained the gist of it in many discussions. He used to tell that the entire universe is balanced by the God and we never know what is the algorithm the god follows. I was too young and it was quite puzzling to me. I used to see one guy coming to our house every week, staying for entire day, completing Breakfast, lunch and dinner. He owed good amount of money to my father and would never return. In addition, he used to take the valuable time of father every week and he also used to cry with lot of grievances about everyone he met. I asked my father on how this account will be settled. He laughed and told the same thing - "జీవితం రెండర్థాల పాట". The god will balance everything and we need not get the account settled from the same person who borrows some thing from us. In the rest of my life I experienced the dual of life,  many times. There were many people who helped me without me being good to them. There were many others who tried to harm me irrespective of taking lot of help from me. If I look back, I feel everything is balanced. I also realized that the people who seemingly tried to hurt me, unknowingly did the biggest favors to me. For some of the readers what I say may still look ridiculous and funny but one needs to experience on own, to understand and appreciate.

My father and my elder brother also used to tell me that whatever I meticulously plan and expect the results were all materialistic (వ్యావహారికం). At the end what is destined will happen and the God is the only one whom we need to rely on. My brother told a simple truth that trust the god and do well. The results are on their way. If our fate is decided or changed it is the God who can do it. 

The best lesson I learnt from my father was about NOT earning more than what we need. He was a communist and shifted to practicing Maharshi Mahesh Yogi's Transcendental Meditation. But he still practiced some good preaching of Karl Marx. The principle of socialism is that no one should earn more than what is needed and it is a sin if you do. And the reasons for all the extreme economies, unrest and crime are because of the imbalance of economy. Our ancestors told “సర్వే జనః సుఖినో భవంతు " (May all people be well)  before Karl Marx and whosoever talked about the above principle. My mother always ensured that my maids, milk man, laundry man, sweepers and all others (who serve us one way or other way), are all well treated. On a festival my maids get clothes and all special food items that we made on that day. Every year, my mother buys saris (Sari is an Indian outfit) and shirts for the maids. Whenever we are eating, she offered food to whoever visited at that time. People say this is all hospitality.  It may be true as well. But the real intent is that everyone must be happy and you alone cant think about being happy and enjoy every piece. In other words in this God gifted world, everyone has to have their share and have right to enjoy the God's offerings.

In support of my mother's philosophy, my father gave the examples. In a house where we stay we have rats, cats, ants, a dog and it's puppies, some caterpillars and many more. While we have a registered document for ownership of the property, all these creatures also believe the property belongs to them. And they too get kids, relatives, visitors, family life and deaths. When he gave this insight my mindset changed a lot. I never killed any creatures in my (???) house. Instead I tried to move them to a place where they are safe. I am glad more than me, my kid is quite concerned. He would not allow me to do any harm to any creature and instead he fights for their rights.  My daughter fought with me to bring up a Dog. When I said the dog is not disciplined and may spoil our rooms and other places, she said we will train her. On top of it, she questioned about how me and my wife trained her, when she too didnt know anything at the time of birth. I had to agree and after changing to this mindset, the kind of peace I had, can not be expressed in words. If I see the dog spoils my portico, I dont mind. When my kid was doing this, and when I can tolerate this, why cant I do the same for my (now it is my) dog? The life is much bigger than money, career and ego. It is all about feelings and emotions. If we have good emotions it keeps us peaceful. And when every one can be happy, the world is happy. No crime, no terrorists, no anti-socials and there is only happiness.

What a great lesson taught and practiced by my parents (and my kids)?

Are we showing our protests as one time event? Are we serious?

I am sure all of us are watching the protests over the recent incident. The protesters were serious committed and wanted justice to the victims and right punishment to the victims. Since the time I was made aware of the social responsibility, I have been seeing these protests. I remember Satyendra Dubey's death when he sent a note to PM Office about corrupt practices in Bihar. I saw many posts in the internet and many demonstrations, burnt effigies, lots and lots of opinion surveys in the TVs for that incident and many similar incidents since then. 

The area where I am a bit confused is on how much are we responsible before such incidents happened. And how much responsible are we after the protests are over. How many times did we offer a helping hand to the likes of Anamika, Dubeys or many others before they died?

I can quote atleast an incident when I was working with a Power Sector. One Subcontractor went to Farakka along with his team to execute one small subproject for our organization which is very much under the influence of local political party. From the day he arrived the local leaders approached him and asked him to take local people in his project. The engineer politely explained that he brought his team from Andhra Pradesh. The leaders were fine with that and said that the Engineer need to pay the same size of the team from local area even if they don't work for his project. The engineer was confused and tried to get the support from his management. the management suggested him to manage with the local Law & Order. He went and complained to the local SP who incidentally was a Bengali.  The SP always responded that he would take action but it never happened.

One day in front of as many as  30 plus families, the local goondas annoyed him. They didn't beat him but insulted him more than that in front of his family members, neibour and colleagues. After that one or other of those goondas used to meet his wife in public places like Veg markets, shops and enquire whether her husband is at home. They used to ask such questions to terrorize the family.

No one in the locality or his colleagues tried to help him. There was only one person who took him to the GM Office. Getting the GM appointment was not easy but we tried out best to get 15 minutes time. We didnt waste time and explained the situation to the GM. The GM was Non Local(Sardarjee) and it helped us explain the local scenario (While I have nothing against locals there were some local dynamics which made me mention this point). We made it clear that it will be a situation when people from other parts of Bengal will leave if these incidents continue.

The GM reacted very fast, faxed a note to CM office. Immediately there was a lightening call to the SP. All goondas were seized immediately.The issue was resolved. Our Subcontracting Engineer became a hero at the end. I would say he was allowed to live while he became the hero. Otherwise he could become a hero but like Dubey and others who lost their lives.

The reason for telling this incident is to let all of us understand our responsibility. There are many people who are fighting against the odds but they are known and were admired only after they are perished. We all will go in group and light candles, maintain silence, do marathons. I may sound cynical, but want to see an outcome and not just complying to a group representation. 

Even now, I want to check on how many of the recent protesters come forward to do the daily patrolling till the Govt creates more reliable law & order situation? We must definitely fight for more powerful law but till then  what are we going to do? Can we think in those lines?

Can we stop and beat the guys who are doing eve teasing today (We cite reasons like urgent meeting for not stopping and helping)? Probably that will scare majority of people from getting to next steps. If we cant kill, can we set our work aside and offer helping hand to the people who suffer in front of us? In the same incident the male victim was telling that people didn't stop when he and his friend were lying on the road. It is just matching to the point I was trying make. We supported them only when one person was close to death. And we supported when many people were going in the groups to protest. At the  end, did we really support the cause? 

I request all of us to show our seriousness in every action and act well before things go wrong.

My Childhood: Some fears that hunt me till now but help me

My exams were scheduled and I have only 1 day left. I realized that there are subjects that I havent gone through even once. I didnt attend even a single class. I didnt open a single page of my text books. I was worried but not preferring to express.  I never experienced failing exam. I felt this is the time when it will be happening. I however had confidence that by end of the day I will cover good enough to pass the exam. I started reading the fat books. Not even one line is familiar to me and nothing was going to my head. My worry was going to the peaks.......

I woke up and realized it is a dream and perhaps a night mare.

I have exams. Today I need to write Social Studies paper. This is the subject I hated all the time. Because I was never convinced on what is the value add. What do I gain if I remeber when waterloo battle happened? Why should I know where Mahatma Gandhi studied and when? Why should I know about Harappa and Mohanjudar remains when they are no longer there? But I have to pass the exam and score well. I was walking to the school at 2 PM. My friend was coming in the opposite direction. I asked him on where is he going a few minutes before the exam. Before I finished, he asked me on how did I do the exam. I was wondering what was he asking. In next couple of minutes of conversation I realized that the exam was actually scheduled in the morning all others completed and returning. My heart is stopped and I didnt know what to do. As I didnt even give the exam, I am failed!!! How can I digest that........

I ofcourse woke up and it was another nightmare. It still took long time for me to understand I dont need to give any exams and I am already working.

A variant of the above dream is when I come to know that I prepared for a wrong subject when the exam was for another one. Once again my heart stops and I realize it is only a dream.

I was not attending the classes of one subject and I already reached the last few days of the course. To manage my attendance, I somehow went in to the crowd (my class size is 150) to join the last couple of classes. But my teacher saw me and called me. He asked me what were I doing all these days and why I didnt attend even a single class. I was unable utter even a single word. My throat is dry. My body is full of sweat. ...

It was a dream

All these bad dreams keep coming to me even today. Now a few more are added. I am driving but felt so sleepy that I am unable to see with almost closed eyes. My car is going at high speed and I am unable to slow down. Cant apply breaks. My body was just not helping. So far nothing happened but anytime I may hit some one and he or she may die. But I was not able to do anything except worrying till I woke up from the dream.

I tried to analyze but could not understand what is all going on.

My father used to say this is what is stress. He gave an example. When I record a good song, a dog might be barking and whenever I hear the son, I need to hear the barking as well. and we cant takeout the barking from the recorded song. this happens when certain impactful stress is in our minds.

I think I have a biggest fear of failure. I dont know if it helps me now. But it helped me in childhood.

I never wanted to fail. Even in small games I want to win. In NTPC, for all Non Hindi speaking communities, Hindi test was conducted and I passed with the top most score. It was not going to do anything to me and it was just a formality. But I wanted to do well there as well.  In carrom board, I do such a planning to win, that my partner used to be irritated. 

Now it is changed to a level that I started giving up for my team. If my team succeeds it is my success. I see some leaders who compete with their teams to take the credit that they are managing everything irrespective of their team not doing anything. If they try to prove it and if others believe it, I will say both are mads. No one individually can succeed. A leader is as strong or weak as his / her team. It took time for me to realize but since than I am (means my team) successful.

The Stories I love the most 5: Holy bath in the Ganga River

A true Brahman used live a sacred life in a small hut along with his family. One day a cow entered his house and was about spoil his Puja. In an attempt to stop the Brahman threw a few  water drops and gestured the cow to go away. To his surprise the cow died on the spot. The Brahman was stunned and realized that he made a sin. He went to his Guru and asked him on how he will relieved from the impact of sin he committed. the Guru said, the Brahman needed to have Holy-bath in the river Ganga for an year. The Brahman informed his family and walked to reach the river Ganga. He went for a few months and crossed forests and mountains but could not find the river. When inquired, one Sadhu directed him towards the river but didn't tell how far was the river. After a few miles the Brahman reached a lake and believed that it might be Ganga. He started doing holy-bath and continued his sacred life the same way. One day another Sadhu saw him asked what was he doing. After hearing the reply from the Brahman he laughed and told that the Brahman has been having bath in a dirty lake and asked him to go to the REAL Ganga. Brahman was disappointed and went in the directions given by Sadhu. He came across another small water fall and again believed that it might be the Ganga river. He continued the same life for 100 years till another local met him and clarified that the waterfall is not Ganga. The Brahman continued his journey and met with many small rivers, lakes and others but every time he was told by someone that he was having holy-bath in wrong place. Brahman became old but he continued to walk to reach the REAL Ganga. He saw the river where many devotees were doing rituals and immersions in the river. Excited with the devotion and Brahman tried to reach the river but before he touched the waters he died.

The messengers of Lord Yama came down to take the Brahman to hell for the sin he committed through killing a holy cow. However they found the messengers from the Heaven taking his soul already. Surprised  the lord Yama asked them on how the Brahman can go to the hell without completing the sentence for the sin he committed. the messengers of the Heaven clarified that on the virtue of holy bath for 100 years in the river Ganga, the Brahman earned the permanent place in Heaven.

The moral of this story is that it is the feeling that matters more than the real action.

My Childhood: My Continuous and Confident Learning

I joined Engineering at my age of 17 years.  In the entire class I realized that I am the youngest and that many of my colleagues joined Engineering after second and third attempts. There are many who did very well int eh +2 course as well as in the Entrance Examinations conducted for qualifying in Engineering. My brought up made me a bit simple and obedient and it was always demonstrated like Dull and Numb. I very soon earned a name MABBU (మబ్బు ) which is difficult to translate but means a dull and stupid fellow. I innocently tried to mingle with other top performers and they regularly tried to escape from me. For example, someone used to ask me to bring some water and by the time I come they all used to run away for movie. I used to walk about 10 KM to the College. Many of my colleagues had two wheeler but didn't let me go with them even if their rear seats were free.I didn't have complaint but used to wonder what will make me better to join them because I admired all of them for their merit and intelligence. They were all ranked better than me. I however had many other friends within the class who might not be great performers in the +2 courses and even the other branch students were also good with me. 

I was doing well in all the first year subjects but Engineering Drawing became my nightmare. It was quite early stage when we were learning how to draw Circles and Curves, dividing them into parts etc. Everyone else used to complete the practicals while I still struggled and left with incomplete drawings. I tried to improve through home work. Irrespective of my repeated requests none of the elite group helped me. They gave me ideal answers like I would not improve unless I tried on my own. They even ridiculed me on my pathetic performance. My professors and Lab In-charges were also wondering on why I was not able to seemingly easy work. One day left my work and went to one of my friends (He is of-course not among the elite group which regularly avoided me) place to see how is he doing. He was dividing a circle in to 36 parts. he measured the divider at 10% and marked the circle at equal parts and then drew the lines from opposite points to divide the circle in to 36 parts. I knew all this but I asked him one point. When he was marking each part of 10 degrees, there was small amount of error while he moved from point to point. By the time he reached the 36th point, the last part became small to an extent that it might be actually around 5 degrees. When I asked this, he laughed and said that it is not easy to make all parts equal because every time you mark a point some part of the circle is covered by that mark itself. Thats when I realized that perfection is not the option everytime. All others were not bothered about that last part and were completing the exercise quickly. I kept on erasing whenever  I was seeing unequal parts and was trying for overkill. 

I quickly went back and completed my drawing in 10 minutes and submitted to my professor and left the class. All my friends laughed assuming that I might have given up and left the lab.

In the first test I got the top mark and no one could digest and all thought I pampered the professors to get the marks. 

As we progressed, more complicated topics like Straight lines, Projections and Perspective view were all introduced. I was able pick up and do those parts more efficiently and nicely than anyone else. Learning them needed lot of logic and I realized that I was quite good in that.

Very soon a situation came when the guy from the (So called) elite group approached me and requested me to guide him on these topics as he was struggling. What did I do? I taught him patiently and made sure he was on own. My other friends asked me why did I do that when I was insulted many times. My answer was that "He behaved like what he is, and I behaved like what I am".

I very soon realized I am doing much better than many other top rankers in the class. When I was surprised and asked my father he said that every journey is different and we wont get a free ticket in a new journey for the journey that we already completed. All of them including me made a journey to join Mechanical Engineering there was 31st ranked, 284th ranked but all attained a rank that qualified to join the degree. Once joined these ranks dont matter. There will be another journey and more learning. Hence we need to keep our feet on the ground what ever we do because very soon the success becomes past.

There is no end to learning even if there is end to studies. 

My Childhood: How I stopped drinking

This post or perhaps a series of posts with this topic will be for me and just me. There are many good and bad memories while I was growing but I wanted to preserve them.

The first one I wanted to share here is about how I stopped drinking. My father was smoking and drinking in my childhood but later he stopped completely with no looking back. Whenever the parties take place at home, me and my younger brother are very curious and excited. The attraction is not for drinks. It is more on the items that the participants eat. There are  Cashew nuts, Chips, Pakodas, Pa-pads  Mixtures, Onion rings in combination with Lemon. We also used to have a mini party in separate room with these items. For drinks we had alternatives. It required lot of preparation and time. We used to buy Poppins packets. We open them and segregate Poppins of each color. In each tumbler we fill water and put the smashed pieces of same color. We managed to get two Glass tumblers to get the feel of Party. Once the Poppins are dissolved in the water, the juice will be in that color. We have orange, green and other colors of juices. More than drinking, preparing them was quite exciting. We have a Foot stool (a simple seat without a back or arms) and there are two fold-able Iron chairs. the chairs are rusted so we covered them with towels to bring better look Even the stool is covered with whatever cloth is available. We place all the items along with drinks and start the party. We had same level of enjoyment that the other group might have enjoyed.

My father very soon gave up the smoking and drinking. Parties were no longer there. There were a few, but with my father just hosting them without participation we also lost interest. 

When I joined NTPC, I was doing elevated role much bigger to my age. The role involved handling of contractors as big as BHEL and small local contractors as well. I had the signing authority to pass the bills of large values. The work used to be like Overhauling, Erection & Decommissioning and there used to be no holidays as timelines were quite aggressive. Once we complete the mission, there used to be parties. My team, contractors and my seniors used to take part in those parties. I again came across the new items like Fried Rices, Biryani, different types of bread and lot of junk food. Along with them, there were drinks as well. I was  part of a minority group which preferred to have Coke or Pepsi. My seniors used to feel a bit embarrassed about it and my boss tried to explain that he is not drunkard but he wanted to relax after tireless schedule of commissioning activities. I was tempted to take the drinks but every time I realized there is an expiry date or time for such temptations. If I just restrain from taking them for a few minutes the interest dies. I replied him that I do not see any wrong in that but I enjoy Pepsi like the way they were enjoying whiskey.

The real reason on why I should stop drinking was different. One day I went to my colleague on my scooter in the afternoon. As it was afternoon, I didnt go with winter cloth. We spent a few hours and it became cold by the time I was returning. When I was worrying about cold, my colleague prepared a Pan and gave me. He asked me to kick start the scooter,  eat the pan and go immediately. I realized that my body became quite warm after taking the pan and it was just sufficient to keep me warm till I reached home. That's the point when I started eating pan. My attendant in NTPC plant used to bring 5,6 pans in the beginning of shift. I habituated to take Pan. One day he forgot to bring pans. First time in my life I shouted at him. I immediately realized that it is the first time when I shouted on office support staff. For the kind of pay they get, they don't deserve such shouting from me. I immediately apologized and told him not to bring pans any more.

Thats the day I decided I stop drinking because I knew I am not good at resisting addiction.

The learning in Leadership

There are many books on Leadership but there is no substitute for the learning through experience.

Still I thought of sharing a few things among us with expectation that my findings may match to the experiences of some others and may help learn the same thing quickly through relating to their experiences.

Keeping the team above Personal Ego

I learnt this hard way. There is always an input which will be the major triggering point that alone can never be the reason for transformation. It could be the input at a right time when I was already prepared for a change. For example, Lord Buddha didn't transform just by sitting under Bodhi tree. By that time he already experienced a lot  and the summary of findings reached to the conclusion at the time when he rested under this tree. 

Before I deviate to elaborate more about lord Buddha, let me come back to the topic.

When I was young, I used to fight for the team in aggressive manner and in one occasion one of my manager told that he doesn't need a union leader. Instead he wanted a leader who meets the agenda of his manager. With that we finished talking and the cause for which I fought was not met. In fact I moved out of that unit and preferred to work elsewhere. However when I looked back, I see it as my failure because for my ego, I sacrificed the team interests.

The real change happened when I watched a program in a US Channel. I don't remember the name of the program (Something like "You are fired"). It was a reality show where bulk hiring happens for specific requirements. The applicants are formed in to teams and are given tasks. The audience see how the team lead and team members discuss and execute the deliverable. In one episode the Project manager was blaming the team and was claiming that she did everything right but the team didn't support. She was fired. The anchor explained that she was fired because she kept her personal interests above the team. 

Probably that was the perfect timing for me to understand one of the important leadership principles and there was a change.

I was able to follow the principle and it always gave me tremendous happiness on every achievement that helped the team.

There was one instance when reorganization happened in my unit when the unit was dissolved with an intent that individual delivery units will be managing the functions of my erstwhile unit in the way they want. Because of that me along with about 15 leaders were role less and we were given time for 3 months to find roles in the new organization. There were many roles available in the new Organization Model but my first focus was to accommodate my team in safe places.  I worked hard to move my team to various functions like Line HR, Testing and other units. I cleaned up the entire team while the team didnt even know the news of Reorganization as it was not even announced by that time. It took almost 3 months for me to do this exercise and by that time all my colleagues found the roles. But I was still happy about completing my first responsibility. I found my own options in the 11th hour and got the opportunity to work with one of the best leaders I ever had. That new role helped me get the much awaiting visibility in the organization.

There was another incident when in another leadership role, I lost my team due to a very high level leadership decision to lay off many of team members from all units and my unit was also effected. I was a mere spectator when this shocking change happened. But unlike my earlier approach, I tried to negotiate with the leadership to retain some of the members. The missing item was my aggression as I wanted to be more practical and team was above my EGO. There was no immediate success but slowly I was able recall most of the lost members without impacting the organization interest. I worked with no rest to ensure that the entire team is either accommodated elsewhere or is back to my team.

My journey continues but my restraint is helping me in every step. Unfortunately I am still aggressive when it matters just for me. I may need another Bodhi Tree to make the needed transformation in this aspect as well :).

Many compromise to live with them but you question them

One thing I learned from one of my managers is to question when everyone decided to live with them. There are always conditions because of which certain practices or patterns are accepted  But they can be changed by questioning. For instance, I procured  Network Bandwidth and the vendor said 4-6 weeks as the delivery lead time. I see people planning to take the next steps from 6th week by simple acceptance of Vendor's delivery time. When insisted the delivery happened in a week or so. There were many such when we met commitments much earlier than committed but before that we thought the schedules were quite aggressive.

Stick to Basics: Many times this is sufficient to meet the challenges
Whenever we want to do drastic transformations, we look at defining a new process, invent a Best Practice, create a task force, committee, Panel and what not. But we need to realize that many challenges were arising because we dont even look at the fundamentals. For example, to demonstrate our expertise in a technology we may not need great inventions in the technology. Just verify whether we are following the basics. To name a few, we miss following the design and coding standards, naming conventions, a simple practice of aligning to Version Control, Standard testing procedures and Documentation. If we overlook these basics and try to invent something from nowhere it may be another reinvent of the wheel rather than invention.

Its the feeling and not the Outcome that matters

My father purchased a piece of land in a remote village close to Visakhapatnam City. He used to tell us on what we all can do there, and how much value it might have appreciated in the years passed. He left us in 1988 with the same belief that we had a great property worth good amount and we three sons would be comfortable with that. After a few years, once we settled down we went to see the land and understand what more we needed to do and realized that the property was occupied several years ago by another and even that party won the battle legally as well because the the landlord who sold the land didnt get the signatures from his children.We and many others lost the property and were told that there would be nothing left for us.

From this incident I was wondering, just because we came to know about this now, can anyone take out the happiness and assurance that my father had during his entire life? What difference that could make to us if we still had that property without doing anything on the land? At the end, I felt it is a feeling rather than reality that matters. In this large materialistic world, we are all still driven by feelings. Many of my team members come to me with complaints on why they are not promoted and they ask this question only when they see one or two of their colleagues are promoted. Otherwise they could be comfortable. Ambani brothers are still not happy only because each of them felt his brother seemed to be getting a better share. Whereas both of them got everything just by being son of a great business man and they never understood that.

Taking to my case, I was very happy when someone purchased the copies of the book I wrote. The money I get from those books is not significant compared to what I have been earning from my profession. But the book was my creation and when I see some returns it used to give me more happiness than what I was getting as a routine for the work that I was doing for my employer as a commitment. 

Many feelings that we get from visuals of TV, Movie screens are all just feelings and not realities. If someone comes and reminds that what we see is just from a few pixels and not real, can the feeling go away? 

We spend a lot of time with our close friends, relatives and family members. When they are no more can we, along with their bodies- bury the feelings that we had with them?

For every outcome each individual has different feelings. 

The Stories I love the most 4: The Story of 3 Fish

This story is from Panchathanthram and describes about how to deal with the problems. There used to be three fish with names Athi Budhi (Highest wisdom), Mitha Budhi (reasonable wisdom) and Manda Budhi (Limited wisdom). All the three fish used to enjoy in the lake which is far from the village. However one day the fishermen come to the lake and talk within themselves that there are good number of fish in the lake and that they would plan to visit for catching most of them. Once heard Mitha Mudhi reaches the other two and urges them to leave the lake. Athi Budhi and Mandabudhi laugh at him and dont pay any attention to the alert given by Mitha Budhi. Seeing that his friends are not bothered, Mitha Budhi moves to another lake though a small canal on that day itself. Two days later the fishermen come and catch most of the fish with their nets. Both Athi Budhi and Mitha Budhi get caught. Athi Budhi pretends to be dead when the fisherman throws it on the shore assuming the fish is anyway dead and cant move and continues collecting the other fish from the net. Athi Budhi crawls to the Lake and survives. Manda Budhi doesnt have the enough intelligence to face the crisis. He even doesnt have the maturity that Mitha Budhi has. Manda Budhi gets caught and dies.

This story which is from age old Panchatanthram written by Chinnayya Suri tells much more than what the book "Who moved my Cheese" says but in a simple story. The story is quite effective and doesnt need a book to convey the message.

But we all learn from the books written in English only.

The Stories I love the most 3: Anthaki inthaithe inthaki entha

అనగనగ ఒక వూరిలో ఒక రాజు ప్రతి సంవత్సరం వేల మంది భాహ్మనులని ని పిలచి కిలో బంగారం దానం ఇస్తూ ఉండేవాడు. కానీ ప్రతి సారి ఒక ప్రశ్న అడుగుతూ ఉండే వాడు. "అంతకి ఇంతితే ఇంతకి ఎంత?". ఒక్క బ్రాహ్మణుడు కూడా ఆ ప్రశ్నకి సమాధానం చెప్పలేక పోయే వాడు. ఇలా కొన్ని ఏళ్ళు గడిచిన తర్వాత ఒక బ్రాహ్మణుడు సమాధానం చెప్పాడు. "ఇంతకి ఇంతే ". ఆరోజు నుండి రాజుగారు ఇక దానాలు మనివేసారు కానీ మంచిపనులు చేస్తూనే ఉన్నారు.

ఆ రాజు గత జన్మలో ఒక సామాన్య జీవితం గడుపుతున్న ఒక బ్రాహ్మణుడు. ప్రతిరోజు 5 ఇళ్ళలో బిచ్చమెత్తుకుని ఆ దానం తోనే అతడు అతడి కుటుంబం బ్రతుకుతూ ఉండెడివారు. అందుకుంచే ఎవరినా అడిగితే దానం ఇచ్చేవారు. ఒక రోజు ఒక యక్షుడు అతడిని పరిక్షించటానికి మారువేషంలో వచ్చి ఆకలిగా ఉంది అన్నం పెట్టండి అని అడిగాడు.

బ్రాహ్మణుడు తన వంతు భాగాన్ని అతడికి దానం చేసాడు. కానీ ఆ యక్షుడు ఇంకా ఆకలిగా ఉంది అని బాధగా  చూస్తున్నాడు. అప్పుడు అతడి భార్య తన వంతు దానమిచ్చింది. అయిన ఆ యక్షుడి ఆకలి తీరలేదు. అప్పుడు బ్రాహ్మణుడి పిల్లలు కూడా తమ వంతు దానం చేసారు. ఆ రాత్రి ఆకలి బాధతో ఆ కుటుంబం మరణించారు. ఆ జన్మలో చేసిన పుణ్యమ్ వలన ఆ బ్రాహ్మణుడు రాజుగా జన్మించాడు. అతడికి గత జన్మ జ్ఞానం కూడా  తెలియటం వలన మల్ల్లీ దానాలు చేస్తూ ఈ ప్రశ్న అడుగుతూ ఉండేవాడు. ఆరోజు ఒక రోజు భోజనం దానం చేస్తే ఈ రాజ జన్మ వస్తే ఇప్పుడు చేసే ఈ దానం వలన ఇంకీంత ఉద్గతి వస్తుంది అని అతడి ప్రశ్న. ఒక సద్బ్రహ్మనుడు అతడి ప్రశ్న అర్దం  చేసుకుని తగిన సమాధానం ఇచ్చాడు. ఇంతకి ఇంతే. అంటే ఇంకేమి రాదు అని.ఇందులో రెండు అర్ధాలు ఉన్నాయి.

ఫలితం ఆశించి చేసే దానాలకు పుణ్యం రాదు. అంతే కాదు.మనలని ఇక్కడికి తెచ్చిన పుణ్యం మరి ఎక్కడికో తీసుకు పోదు.

తెల్లవాళ్ళు ఇవన్నీ మన నుండి నేర్చుకుని పుస్తకాలు రాస్తున్నారు. ఉదాహరణకి "what brings you here doesnt take you there" అటువంటి పుస్తకమే.

A dream that may never come true

I was out for going to office and took my car out of my parking place. Somehow I found something strange but I could not figure out what is that change.

I was driving towards the office. Very quickly shifted to 5th gear. My Vehicle was going at steady pace and there was no need for placing one leg on brake and the other on Clutch. I was still having some uneasiness and when there was a red light I was alert. I stopped the vehicle and put ear plugs to avoid hearing blowing of horns behind me to move irrespective of signals. Before putting the ear plugs I realized nothing of that sort was happening. When I looked back there were plenty of vehicles but all stopped and patiently waiting for Green light. When I looked at my right side, Oh my god, there are no vehicles outside the Divider which used to block the vehicles from my opposite side. my heart beat increased and I looked at the left side. There was sufficient space left for other vehicles to go in the free left zone. My last chance to survive, I looked at the front side. People are peacefully crossing my road on the Zebra Cross lines!!!!! What is going on? This is when I realized there are many strange things happened. Usually every morning while taking my car out I find a motor bike in the middle of road and exactly opposite to my gate. Today I didnt see that. Since than on the road while travelling, there was no horn blowing behind me to force me to go even when there is a red light. I didnt see people crossing the roads at will. I didnt see people coming in the wrong route. I also didnt see people forming more parallel Queues. And .. I also saw that the free left turn was completely free!!! There is something wrong going on.

I thought I fainted and some one helped me reach the office.  I went to take some water, there I found two people taking water and when I went instead of talking in front of the Water filter, they gave me the way on their own. How can they do this, unless I request them or beg them to give way?  I went to the ATM Machine of ICICI Bank located in my office itself. My heart beat was increasing because I found the Machine working which was never the case before. When I withdrew money carefully I found 500 Rs notes coming out. It was quite a tense moment. BUT .. first of all the ATM was working!!!! And the machine was giving me money in the denominations of 500 notes by default and infact I found some 1000 notes as well. How can this happen? So far I was doing 6 transactions to get the eligible daily amount of 25000 Rupees. I could not digest that I could get the same amount in one transaction. Something wrong somewhere.

Suddenly my cell started ringing. I could hear my heart beat because there is a chance that it can be a telemarketing call as 99 out of 100 calls were that way. But It was an unknown number and it can be my customer. I needed to pick up. When I picked the other guy first of all introduced himself. How can be so decent? All used to hear was a girl asking where I am RHAZA MOHYEN IVAA.. TURI as if she was born and brought up in Wales and cant understand out surnames. My BP was high as I used to hear some one calling my cell and asking whether it is me. Also I could never know who was on the other side most of the time, till I confirmed my identity. So this experience of someone introducing him first before the talk actually made me worry for other reasons. Somehow I started feeling the biggest threat that I might be moved to another planet.

With all such unusual incidents I was really wondering what is wrong.  I first opened the tasks window as I keep tasks to remind on all items that I need to remind my team. I already prepared the note for each of the item to remind. I opened the emails and I found 100 emails. While going through each of the emails again my heartbeat increased. I got response to all  my queries and clarifications and more than that I dont need to make any more questions on these items. The team responded with all the details that I asked for the first time itself. How the hell can this happen? Now do I have any work? I went to the list of unread emails I have. They are all kept as unread because I needed to respond to my Customers and my Manager. Suddenly I found lot of time to clear them. By lunch I cleared all the emails to the satisfaction that no one will come back to me with any more queries. Great!!! I went to another folder of my outlook. In the last 4 years I had many strategic initiatives in my mind and could never think of them. I picked the most important one and scheduled the call in the afternoon.

I went to finish the lunch quickly. I found that Spoons and Forks are in place (I used to wait for them almost every time I go to Cafeteria). When I started the Buffet lunch with in 1 minute I could fill my plate? Did I miss anything? How can this happen? I looked behind again to check if there is no one except me to have lunch. I saw many, and most of them are there to refill but they are in the Queue. No one intruded in front of me to pick their items in their half eaten plates!! I completed my lunch and was back. I started the call. As usual I said that we will wait for 5 minutes till all the audience join. I heard that all participants have already joined. Oh my God? All joined in the first minute of schedule itself? I tried to give an introduction of the initiative I wanted to take, but before that, one project manager asked if we can start discussion. Wondering what he means, I said yes. He briefly explained how my initiative can work and the areas where he needed help from me. This means he already went through the write up I shared while scheduling the call. Normally the audience join the call and decide when to have the next call. And some people would ask me to make a presentation as the write up is more than 2 pages which is difficult to read. Contrary to my expectations looks like every member went through the write up as I have seen others actively participating and demonstrating that they already went through the content. This means, they are all prepared for the meeting before joining!!!!! How can this happen? Am I still on the earth or somewhere else far from the universe?

I realized I can do much more and in the meantime I got a call from the Customer. I am gone now. So far I was seeing all unusual incidents but the customer calling me and bashing is not so unusual. So I can still have some hope in life. I picked up the call and very politely greeted him. " Hi Raja I just wanted to let you know, today I asked for an Invoice from your PM ....".
Making my voice more polite,  I said " Dear X, I will speak to my finance team and do my best to come back with the Invoice at the earliest (I know when I say ASAP it actually means I dont know the date or time when I can deliver)". But the customer interrupted me and said ' I already received the Invoice Raja, I am happy to see that the content is quite accurate apart from me getting the Invoice in an hour. I wanted to thank you.". I have no words to respond. Usually I have a scenario when we dont get the invoice when Customer wanted to pay. And when I get the invoice I would see that the content is totally messy. The entire episode used to go for a week to get the correct Invoice. This all used to happen at a time when the customer was chasing me for paying and we were not ready. If I try to get them early, I used hear lots of SLAs which have minimum time but no limt for Max time. My ideal world used to have SLAs that had minimum time???

I found the HR guy waiting out side my workplace. I gestured to let him in. It is appraisals time and as usual I had some challenges. As usual the discussion stated in tense atmosphere as I prepared to ask them many questions to which they in general have one answer (Policy). Before I started, the guy started "As per policy .....". I was furious and wanted to stop him. But he completed the sentense "We worked on making the Income tax friendly package for all the associates. This is in line with the IT rules and there is no manipulation but the associates get more benefit......."

I got irritated and left the room because this was not expected and I was seeing more negative statements on which I could raise my voice and fight for my team. But if HR itself is coming forward and doing all that is required for the team, I felt out of place.

One of my next level managers came to me with the list to be promoted. So far I asked for the list only once, and Iwas suprised to see the list so fast before 3,4 more reminders. I went through the list quickly and I found the number is below the number of people that I can promote. Normally I see atleast double the qualified number. I asked the manager on whether this is incomplete list. He said he wanted to promote only those who deserved elevation and not on the basis of numbers. How come? But this is what he said. I asked if there are any resigned people whom I may have to promote or give double hike. He responded again saying that he doesnt want to set a trend of rewarding when some one is arm twisting. How can he manage if some key people are leaving. He said he will manage and he is capable to manage. Hmm. The  day is totally different. I was seeing the managers worrying about any of their team member' s absence as if the world is stopped.  I used to wonder why are they required if they cant go even one step without their next level.

The Stories I love the most 2: Kacha and Devayani

In all my professional life one of the most irritant observation is about hiding the information for Career Progress. Many of my colleagues try to have direct interaction with Top leaders to share information only with them with an impression that they will be rewarded. Many times they are correct as well. But by chance if they try that trick with some one like me,m I am sure they will be out of my system. The true way of growing is by expanding our knowledge rather than hiding the little knowledge that we have.
The story of Kacha and Devayani depicts the same.
This story is from Indian EPIC BHAGAVATHAM. I am sure one day I will see a best seller from the Western world detailing the same story in to a 100 Page book. But right now many people may not know and I can tell the brief story now.

Before the days of Amritam (Deathless) - a medicine that stops death, demons and dieties used to fight quite often. In the battle many demons and dieties  used to die. However the priest of Demons Sukra knows a mantra to give life. The Mantra known as Sanjeevani Mantra is not taught to any one. Sukra didnt teach even to his family members nor to any demons.

Because Demons were getting the life even after dying, Deities found it difficult to them. Deities made a plan and sent one Diety Kacha to Sukra's School. Kacha joined the school of Sukra and started serving his Guru and his wife without any expectations. However Devayani - the daughter of Sukra is attracted to Kacha which is in line with the plan of Dieties. Devayani and Kacha started moving together and it was not liked by other young Demons. They killed Kacha one day. When Kacha didnt return to the Ashram of  Sukra, Devayani pleaded her father to help. Sukra with his sixth sense finds that Kacha is dead. With his Sanjeevani Mantra, Sukra gives like to Kacha. Demons killing Kacha and Sukra giving him life, repeats a number of times.Ultimately the Demons kill Kacha and burns him to ashes. They mix the ashes in the wine, and give to Sukra. Sukra not noticing, drinks the wine. When Devayani doesnt find Kacha she again approaches Sukra. Sukra gives life to Kacha but doesnt find him coming back. After searching everywhere through his spiritual power, Sukra finds that Kacha is inside his stomach. Now Kacha if comes out of Sukra's Stomack Sukra will die. As there is no option, Sukra teaches him the Sanjeevani Mantra. Sukra requests Kacha to give his life after coming out of Sukra's stomach. Kacha does the same and leaves the Ashram as his mission is accomplished.

I liked the story because it tells keeping the knowledge to oneself doesnt work in long term.
In fact it impacts the guy at some point of time.

I see many of my colleagues struggling to manage their absense just because they dont make second lines with fear of losing control, but end up spoiling their vacations when their involvement is required in Office.

True ancestral Property

24th June is my father's birthday. I have so many memories which can last till my end. But there are a few things which I didn't share with anyone.Today I can talk about this. Earlier I was afraid or to be honest I was egoistic not to share my experiences.

My father physically left when I was preparing for Final Year exams which were just 20 days away. It was a shock for me when I could not even meet my father in the last minutes as I was doing combined studies elsewhere. My father probably knew and last sentence he told to my mother was "Don't worry" and he went in to meditation. By the time he was taken to hospital they declared he was no more.

It was a shock for me and due to many rituals required in my community I didn't even continue my studies till 1 day before the start of exams. Thanks to all my friends who stood by me and they too ignored their studies and helped me. Even in studies they were with me. We studied every night and slept in the afternoon after giving the exams. The routine continued till exams are over. The fact that I still did well in the exams prove that the foundation given by my professors and father was sufficient to the extent that I didn't need last minute preparations.

After I was impacted by some of the remarks about my father from some of the well wishers, although I didn't pay much attention I experienced the reality later. When I went to Kharagpur, it was my first travel independently. I was already down with my father leaving us, and these first time activities were putting more pressure. I was so scared that I sincerely believed that my berth in the train would be occupied by someone, and I was wondering on how to deal such cases. Luckily there were no such issues :). To come out of loneliness I tried to be as cheerful as possible and made as many friends as possible. I thought I earned lot of friends and wisdom after I joined IIT Kharagpur. But job was still in my mind as we were having some insecure feeling about our financial status. Many well wishers commented during the rituals to my father, that my father didnt leave any property or funds for me. Some even criticized him for spending all earnings for others either his brothers& sister or his friends. There were a few who told that my father is not a practical man, trusted everyone and helped them without planning for future. I used to be confused because my father told me to trust everyone till I am cheated. It is one input I have been following till date. I had a few bitter experiences but still my father's logic is that the damage is more, if I do not trust a genuine person than trusting everyone by default.

I applied for every job that appeared in the News paper ads. Attended 3,4 interviews and NTPC was one of them. I did the interview for about 10 minutes and didn't understand whether I did well or not. But within a few weeks I received the offer letter. I was the first to get job and was very proud about it. I needed to execute a Surety Bond for 20000 Rs/- (during 1989 it was a big amount). But I was confident about getting the surety as I had many friends and only friends. Many of my friends were actually employees of some organizations and joined as research scholars through their organizations. For me, I needed some one who has PAN number and can sign the surety document.

My confidence was completely lost because none of the friends proved to be good enough to help me. Some people said they were asked not to sign by their astrologers. Some said they dont remember their PAN number. at the end, I was still roaming 1 day before my travel to Delhi to join NTPC.That was when I met one of my professors who was doing research. He asked me on what was my problem and simply asked me to meet him at home with filled document. When I went to him next day he signed the document in the places marked for signatures. I asked him to read the document. He told me that my father never did that while helping him. He also told me that my father gave for a surety of 1 rupees and there was no need for me to thank him.
I realized what my father left for me.

When I went to join in NTPC, the personal officer told me that one Mr. Sastry was asking about me every day. I had no clue about who is Mr. Sastry. When I spoke to him he said he is childhood friend of my father and asked me to meet him in gulabibagh. When I met him I realized that Mr.Sastry was the Panel head who interviewed me for NTPC. He actually noticed my fathers features and checked my details to confirm it. He helped me while I was in Delhi.

I was posted in the border of India close to Bangladesh and due to all memories of losing my father I used to be alone. that's when I met Chandrasekhar who was fan of my father. My father taught him meditation because of which he was relieved from long term Asthma. Once he knew my identity he took care of me till my mother joined me.

In the all the sequence of events, I felt as if my father was behind me taking care of me at every step. My father by all means lived a practical life in spiritual sense. The statement looks puzzling but he reached a spiritual level from where he believed the god in true spirit. In the last few minutes he didn't bother about seeing his kids, didn't want to do any handing over. All he said to my mother was "Don't worry". And he went in to transcendental meditation which he tried to teach everyone in the world for the benefit of universe.

I realized that I still need to earn on my own and is still living on what my father left for me.
All I can do is just follow him to reach atleast 10 percent of what he reached.

Do we know we are all living Corrupt Life?

There is a huge noise from all over the country about respected Anna and Baba Ramdev's Protests against Corruption. Both Baba Ramdev and Anna Hazare are the most respected people and are right people to drive this and I hope there will be a change. But I am a bit cynical about all of us who are quire excited about this as if we are all exceptions to corruptions only a few people on headlines of News Paper are corrupt. If we understand what does it mean by being corrupt, I believe we are all corrupt at every level. Did we realize that?

First of let me try to make a simple definition of what do we mean by corruption. In simple terms it is about attempting to get more than what we deserve at the cost of others. If we understand this, are we not corrupt. In our daily life what do we do? In a buffet I dont mind Queue and get the dish I want and it is an accepted practice. In a traffic, I know the people deserve to go free left, but I block them. I know I need to take U turn but I go in a wrong way. I sell a few stocks and dont pay tax because I dont want to pay. I submit a wrong bill for reimbursement and claim tax exemption. I take some office stationary to home and make some personal calls using office resources.

Interesting point is that we make a logic to support that we are doing it because of socalled valid reason. I will say making a few calls is insignificant compared to crores of rupees eaten by some other. I will say by claiming a wrong reimbursement company doesnt lose because they anyway pay that amount as taxable (I conveniently forget that the country lost some Income tax from me). But we forget that the similar logics are built by even those who do corruption at large amount. If we ask Suresh Kalmadi (I am not saying he is guilty as he is yet to be proved) he may say, he got the money from mad sports lovers and not from poor people. If we ask the same question to Lalit Modi he would tell the same thing. Similarly an industralist will say he created lot of employment in that process and he taking some amount is not wrong. Now the question is should we say we are all corrupt at same level? I will say Yes. Because the examples I gave about the regular corruption that we are doing are for very small benefits and we are regularly doing only because we can do that. Just imagine if the guy on the right track beats the guy who comes in wrong way and obstruct. Just imagine if people who break the queue are beaten up by others. We will not do it. The conclusion is that we do it because we can get away doing that even though we dont gain much. So what if we get in to an opporunity of eating up 1 crore and if we know we can get away? Dont we yield to the temptation? I will say we will definitely yield because we are all brought up in corrupt life.

I will say the true improvement happens when I tell my son to follow the rules irrespective of whether they are supervised by some one or not. Means follow the principle in true conviction and not based on how stringent are the controls.

Today Anna may succeed in getting the Lokpal bill introduced. But that will be governed by some of us who are all brought up in corrupt environment. It is in our blood to bypass the rules and check if there is a short cut. So even if I sound cynical I have a doubt if it works. And when I saw that Anna and Baba are supported by some of the notorious politicians and business men we can understand where it will go.

I wish there will be a change in life. But let all of us start changing out life style and see if we can live without corruption wherever possible. If I wait till the green light comes in a traffic, I dont lose much. Can I try doing that everytime I am in the traffic? Instead of showing the urgency on traffic can I prepare a few minutes early and avoid rushing and causing inconvenience to others?

If I follow the queue instead of looking for short cut I may spend a few minutes. Why cant I try that? I see many of my educated colleagues not minding Q while having Buffet lunch.Why cant we follow Q instead of irritating others?
If I go for getting driving license through formal process I may need a couple of days leave. Why cant I try that? I still need to know driving.
By claiming a wrong reimbursement I may get a few hundreds of Rupees  tax savings. Cant I live without that?
Instead of carrying office stationary, can I buy for my own? Did we ever check how much does it really cost if we buy? Why cant we spend that much for our requirements?

If we make a start through living less corrupt atleast in the small scale I am sure it will be a habit at every level.

Let us attempt to live pure life atleast in the areas where it is possible. I am sure we will start findings more areas where we can live without corruption. I hope I am not sounding too optimistic.

The Stories I love the most 1: True Brahmin

This is one Story I loved the most. It is about a true Brahmin who lived by his wisdom and nothing else.
The Brahmin survived everyday on offerings from 5 houses. After completing the Morning rituals the Brahmin begs at 5 houses and brings whatever he gets. And he and his family survives by that food. In case no one from the 5 house offer food, the brahmin's family fasts on that day. Rest of the time is completely spent by the Brahmin in praying the God and performing all rituals for the welfare of entire universe.
One day an angel wanted to test his sincerity. So he went to him and begged for food. Brahmin doesnt say no to any one approaching him for food. Hence he sacrified his food and offered the angel. Angel was still hungry so the Brahmins wife sacrified her food and offered. When the angel was still hungry the kids of Brahmin also sacrified their food for the angel. the angel was very happy and appeared in his true form. He offered the Brahmin a bowl and said you can ask the bowl for any favor and you get it. However he made a condition that the bowl should always have small remnant of food in it at any time. Brahmin's wife was very happy and started asking many worldly pleasures. the family got a big banglaw . furniture and lot of wealth.
Brahmin however still continued the routine of waking up early completing the rituals, begging followed by rituals and pujas. One days Brahmin's in-laws visited and to please the Brahmin's wife, her mother cleaned all utensils after meals including the bowl.
Next day morning the wife noticed that they lost all their wealth. Hurriedly she told the Brahmin that all the wealth was lost. Brahmin was also worried and rushed to the corner of his hut and found that the bowl is still there. In all smiles he said his wealth is not lost. He continued his routine again as usual with full of peace and satisfaction.

Story ends here, I really liked the story a lot for many reasons. The story tells on what really stays with us and that what comes to you for nothing doesnt stay.
It helped me shape up my life.
There is a law that a person who can sweat, keep sweating while there is always another group that gets a lot without sweating. But they can not smile like those who sweat and earn on their own.

Teaching is divine

It is a coincidence that I am posting this on Teachers Day. But this is something in my heart all the life.
That was the day when me and two of my classmates were studying in the night. Our final year exams were just 20 days away. Suddenly my another friend in my coloby came to me and informed that my father was hospitalized. We all four rushed to the King George Hospital only to know that my father was no more physically. I was in a state of shock and took time to digest. Very soon I realized my first task was to take care of my mother. Like in our community, the rituals went for 16 days and I was left with 4 days to prepare for my final examinations. My brother who was working in Allahabad told me not to give up as I had the chance to achieve the Gold Medal and asked or rather ordered me to sit in the exams. My 3 close friends helped in all aspects especially in providing emotional support.
I started studying again. Every day night I used to read the entire day, attend the exam, sleep in the afternoon and continue studying in the night. But I realized this was all to ensure I am prepared well and didnt waste time. But the reality was that I already prepared more than enough. That was all because of my Professors. The notes I prepated in their classes was sufficient for me to understand all the concepts. And the kind of assignments given by the professors tested my understanding throughout the year. I can single out the professor SuryaRao who conducted 1 test every week without giving any choice. In Theory of Machines I score 93 out of 100, and probably it was the top mark. And you know, I remember all I learnt and applied wherever I got the opportunity. It was not something I learnt by heart and forgot after the exams, this was the case with some of my friends but not to me. My teachers gave me a direction, and just by following it, I could grow as a good human being and knowledgeable person. And ofcouse I also reached my targets irrespective of the biggest tragedy of my life before exams.
My teachers also taught me how to live, how to show concerns to others (My father was the biggest among, he always used to tell me that my freedom should never obstruct the convenience of any one else. Today when I see lot of youngsters who just compete get their best share from common resources, I feel they are not brought up properly). I can digest when I see some one on the road impatient to get the way by all others as if he or she is the person to be given priority.
My father who borrowed good part of socalled communism taught me on sharing whatever you have. He said I must learn enjoying if my tree provides shade to someone, if my varandah gives resing place for another, and if some of my money gives life to another. He used to laugh at people who spread their legs in the train to make sure no one else sits even though I hated them.
My father taught me trusing the people unconditionally. I asked him how long can I trust people. He replied that I need to trust till I am cheated. It provided me a different dimension in life. We start relations always with no trust and then move to trusting once the relation is strengthened. Whereas I learnt to start the relation with trust and continued till I am cheated. There were a few cases when I was cheated. But many cases, it was not.
My teachers in the schools taught me the true secularism. They just made me feel quite natural to live with all other communities irrespective of caste, religion and language. They never taught me anything specific or exclusive about the socalled secularism. They just explained various living styles from all parts of the world. Today when I see a different color of community consciousness I am scared about what happens to my kids. I am trying my best to make sure they are not influenced by these elements.
There was a great influence from two people in my life. One is my childhood friend Balaram. And another is my senior leader in one of my organizations. They taught me the importance of taking care of parents. I knew all about my parents, but after the inputs from them, I acknowledged the kind of pains and sacrifices made by my parents and what is my responsibility now. I hope I will do my best to do my duty to my mother and keep her happy.
My daughter is also my Guru. She taught me the humanity by simple and fundamental statements. I remember the incident, when I fed a street dog as some astrloger told me to do it everyday. I infact seached and chased the dog to feed some milk. My daughter said we will bring him up. I didnt want that I replied her saying that, the dog is not disciplined and will spoil our house. She said it is not his fault and we will train her. She also asked me, what were I doing, when she also didnt know anything in the age of 1 year (When she told this, she was 5 years old). I just had no answer and what she said was right. We decided to bringup the dog sincerely even though the dog absconded after a few days :)
There are many more Guru's and I salute all of them. Their guidance is driving me everyday.

WHOAMI- Where to Start

I dont know from where to start when I really wanted to know and elaborate who am I. I quickly realized there is no way to separate me from my parents because I have no existence without them. My father has more influence on my living while my mother is my strength.
The first three top things he taught are trust, trust and trust. And till what point? He said till you are cheated. I practiced it till now where I had a few bitter experiences when I trusted people unconditionally. But there were also rewards when I saw some others getting great value from it.
When I was working with West Bengal, we were about 50 people newly joined and were waiting for getting the official accommodation. We hired a cook and ran a mess for some time in the temporary hostels. When we got the accommodation and were about to leave the hostel, the two cooks became jobless. One of them approached me and asked some money. He said he wanted to start something on own. I gave him without questioning and never thought he would return. For 6 months he didnt meet me. I forgot about him. And my colleagues reminded me by pointing out my foolishness of giving him money without any guarantee. A month later, I saw him on the highway, while traveling to Malda. He greeted me and said he is running a Cycle repair shop and offered me Tea. I spent some time and left. I was happy to see him investing my money effectively instead of spending somewhere. a few weeks later, he came to my house while some of my colleagues were present, and infront of them he returned some of the money I gave him. Thats when I found myself winning. This is what my father taught me. He said that there can be 9 people coming to me with false reasons, but one person with genuine reason cant be denied. I had some bad experiences as well but do not want to share here, as they dont matter much. It is something like investing in stocks when you win sometimes and lose some times.
My father also taught me living with integrity. Never lose principles quoting some specific conditions. It is like changing my name if I compromise my principles. I have been trying my best to practice and but know I can never reach my father's level at any time.
My father made great sacrifices for the family and his family included Parents,brothers, sisters, spouse and kids. Apart from this many of his colleagues, friends received help with no expectations from him. In fact people used to believe that my father had lot of properties and money to help people lavishly whereas we lived a lower middle class life. While my father never discussed about the charity he practiced, today I see lot of IT and MNC professionals boasting about the kind of donations they do. And many do it only when there are banners and photographs. Even blood donation is treated as if a great charity. If you are gaining something out of it, it is no longer a charity.
He also asked me to help fishing rather than giving fish. I have been trying but faced lot of resistance because the world wanted fish and not learning fishing. I remember that principles cant change based on conditions. So I believed in the same and decide to continue what I believe. There are some people who provided strength to my approach by demonstrating great growth through learning fishing. There was some unconventional learning from some of them when everyone could write them off.They proved that nothing is impossible and all I did was just offering a direction.Their success is because of their belief in success and willingness to survive on own instead of depending on mercy of some one. I exactly wanted to support such great people.

My father believed in living by self and taught us the same. We never believed in living at the mercy of some, and worshipped only the almighty. I remember some of the wellwishers expressing their disappointment about my father not leaving any properties or heavy bank balance when he passed away. They being the well wishers have a right to think that way. But they didnt realize the asset that I and brothers got from the legacy. A piece of the the intellect and wisdom and the education we received by my father and mother still helps me live happily.

He taught us the gratitude and remembering our roots. Thats the reason why my feet are still on the ground even though there is a great jump in our financial status from lower-middle class to more or less upper-middle class. Today we might be enjoying some comforts but I am sure we can live the life of what we led 20 years ago. I remember my favorite story of a true Brahmin who leads the life through begging at 5 houses every and spends rest of the life in praying and performing rituals for the well-being of universe. Oneday through the boon of an angel, the brahmin's family gets lot of wealth but with a condition that his bowl should never be empty and smallest of smallest piece of food must remain in the bowl. The Brahmin still continues begging only a 5 houses and continue his routine while his family enjoyed the wealth. One day unknowingly his mother-in-law cleans the bowl to the best and makes it completely empty.All the wealth disappears from that day. The wife of Brahmin wakes him up hurriedly and tells that their wealth is lost. the Brahmin gets up and runs to the corner of house and checks if the bowl is still there. When he finds the same, he is quite relived and says his wealth is not lost, and continues his routine. I love this story as it very well explains what is ths true wealth. My father lived like that and gave us the direction. At the end, what ever you have, you still eat the same Dal and rice right?